Self Care

 

 
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Self-care is about you. It’s about you doing what you need to do, putting up whatever boundaries you need to ensure that you’re doing what you need to do and using your self-knowledge as to what YOU need to develop in yourself --- that list of commitments to self that are required in order for you to thrive. 

You’re not here to live anyone else’s life. You’re not here to fix or save anyone else either. You’re not here to learn anything from any experience besides what YOU need for yourself in order to be present and to live out your soul’s journey. 

Whatever you’ve created as your purpose, whatever you’ve committed to being a part of, whomever you’re spending your time with and/or however your life looks has NOTHING to do with that self-care list.  It absolutely cannot have the slightest impact.

None.

In regards to each and every one of the ways you participate in this life, if they become they excuse you use to put your needs on the back burner, you’ve entered the inauthentic zone. 

And the inauthentic zone is the zone of self-abuse

What is happening on the inside is what you see on the outside, love. 

If you’re willing to disregard your own needs, who do you think is going to regard them?

You might have reasons, valiant reasons even, for disregarding yourself. 

  • Maybe you’re taking care of another?   

Straight truth: that's codependency and codependency is unhealthy and unless you are living a life from a place of choosing self-neglect, you have an inauthenticity.  An inauthenticity is some way of being that doesn't align with you, at your core.  if you, in your depths, love and appreciate yourself (which, we all do, by the way.  for some, it's just really really deep in those depths and there's a lot on top of it, making it difficult to access --- that's what coaching is for).

  • Maybe you made a promise to do and/or be somewhere or make something happen? 

straight truth: your word is important.  The most important promises you make, however, are the promises you make to yourself.  I mean, really, if your sick, tired and nearly dead from all the promises you're keeping with others while you neglect yourself, how effective do you think you're going to be at keeping up?

  • Maybe you are too overwhelmed by how much you have to do and it’s just easier to quit? 

straight truth: self sabotage is just another plant from the seed of self-abuse.

Wha-bammm!  it's a Self-care smackdown.  

I wield the sword of Self-Care Warrior Princess for a reason, a very real reason. 

We live in a world where you are taught to be valued for your self-less-ness. 

Of course you are!!! 

How the hell else are others going to get you to buy their products or do things that they don’t want to do for THEM? 

That’s the whole game. 

The Game:

Worldview -- If I convince other people that they are only worth what they give or have, then I will  GET!!!!!

The first step in Self Care:  STOP PLAYING THAT GAME

Happy Month Of Self-Care!


Your Gift: 

BE SELFISH.
RUTHLESSLY SELFISH.
GET REALLY REALLY GOOD AT PUTTING
you FIRST.
BECOME THE MASTER OF SELF-REFERRAL.
It is necessary.

You need to take care of yourself so you CAN show up, so that you can be present and, honestly, so that you can feel safe and loved in any moment...

because you are protecting and loving yourself.  

Now, in this whole worldview game, selfishness gets a bad wrap. When you (A) self-refer and your intuition tells you that what's being asked of you really isn't for you, right now and (b) you speak up...the fingers coming pointing.   

Worldview employs SHAME and declares that  

“You’re selfish!”

You aren't playing that game anymore though, remember?

So here's some free coaching...

  1. take a deep breath.
  2. send that shame back with a

"Damn Right I am."

Let's circle back to this question:

If you’re willing to disregard your own needs, who do you think is going to regard them?

If you assume that someone else will or you behave like a damsel in distress or a victim to your circumstance, you've now left the realm of selfishness and entered the realm of self-absorption

Self Absorption is a whole other bag of burritos. It starts up when you do everything in your power to blame others for not taking care of yourself.  It’s a result of a lack of self-care and selfishness. 

"But I need..."                                     "What about me?"                                 "Why am I always...?"                             

"No one cares."                                  "No one is listening."                            "Everyone takes." 

Yeah...they do. 

When you let them. 

You lose the self-absorption when you take the time to attend to yourself and refrain from taking care of everybody else's business.  You lose self-absorption when you start to give a damn about the person who's been there with you since day 1 and isn't leaving without you,

THAT is care. 

It’s not bitchy or dominating.  It's not callous or unkind.  It's not distancing or unloving.
It’s having boundaries. <----- check back on that link for that guided meditation on boundaries.  It's probably time to visit that again.

We are here to interdepend in our connection building, our sharing and our supporting of one another. We are not here to take responsibility for each other*.

For now, let’s just stick to taking care of yourself and letting go of the feverish compulsion to take care of everything else besides. 

Love is not about taking care of someone else. Even though taking care of someone else could be rewarding, it usually becomes a burden sooner or later. Some people learned to do this because they had to in order to survive. Some children grew up too fast - having to take care of their siblings or emotionally unbalanced parents. 

Care-taking can become a disease.

Most caretakers become martyrs and eventually become sick or addicted to something to take away the pain. When you care-take someone else,  you get to NOT take care of yourself. If you are care-taking, the person you are caring for becomes what you are always thinking about. 

You begin to worry, control, manipulate and hold in your feelings or you become angry and hurtful. Either way, it does not work and you end up sacrificing your own experience of wholeness.

You are here on this earth for your own soul's evolution. You are here to take care of YOU. 

LET OTHERS TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES. 

This does not mean that you can’t support them.  You just have to figure out HOW to do that in the healthiest way that serves you both.  As you learn to TAKE CARE OF YOU,  you free up your capacity to love fully.   You stop fearing overextending yourself -- knowing that you are not giving away a part of yourself.  you learn to take responsibility for what you are actually responsible for.  and the rest?  

you learn to let that shit go.

So what are you going to do to get on the self-care train?

  1. determine where you need to put up some boundaries.
  2. let whoever needs to know that it's time for some boundaries know.
  3. PUT up the boundaries.  I recently heard this referred to as border control.  Make [insert your name here] great again!  Put up the boundaries.
  4. make a list of all the things you need and want to do to take care of yourself.
  5. get a NEW calendar book or app or clear (yes, clear) your ICal.
  6. start that fresh new calendar with a self-care schedule - hours of sleep, exercise, chill time, time with friends, time to learn, time to catch up on a movie, time to stare at the wall...whatever you have in the list you made for #3, put every blessed thing in the calendar.  THEn...and only then...
  7. fill in the rest of the calendar around it, adamantly committing to no changes or compromises that have you adjusting self-care scheduling.

yeah---that serious. 

for one month, that's your game.

Enjoy.

*this news is obviously geared to adults. Children need to be cared for. They need to be taught HOW to take care of themselves. They need adults to stop telling them how to behave and to allow them to stay tuned in to their innate intuition so people don’t need to be reacquainted with their natural barometer for needs and self-care regulation...but that’s a WHOLE other topic.

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