SELF Trust

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Trust, oh trust...

You've been given a false pretense. 

I am certain that you've been taught that the more you know - the more books you read, the more tests you take and score high marks from your studying efforts, the more you dig into a subject and become an authority, able to dominate with facts and figures, the more successful you'll be.

And with success comes safety and security.   

Unfortunately that pretense has you constantly rushing into and loyally following fear-based structures of education.   

If I don't succeed...

{Here' where you get to list all of the apocalyptic things that might destroy every thread of your existence}

The good news is, with trust, you can let all of those fears (and every other kind of fears) go and you can move forward, whether you've learned all there is to learn or not.

So here we go with building trust...
 

We are not born trusting. 

We are born with an internal guide, intuition, a gut response and an understanding. We reconnected to that in our self-knowledge work. I’m sure you read books and studied and gathered more and discussed with others and tried to find common ground while you went through that process of self discovery. 

Of course you did.  That’s what you’ve been conditioned to do. 

I couldn’t tell you that two months ago, though.

We had to get to here. 

We had to get to this space of you being an authority on you (internal/self-referred knowledge) and, through spending the next 30 days on 100% you-focused self-care, you got to assess and become an authority on your needs (internal, self-referred understanding). 

These two types of attention and skill sets prime you for practicing trust. 

You know who you are.   You know what you need. 

now, Move forward. Stay in the lane. Respond to you. Fulfill your needs. Nothing outside of you can cause you real reason to distrust yourself. 

You are tapped in. 

Tune in to that.   That’s what this month is for. 

Before moving on, though...I have to pause and be frank.
The Harvest Method is an honest commitment to life work. Spending a solid 4 months on these pillars is what it takes. If you spent 30 days on self knowledge, with daily time set aside to dig deep, followed by 30 days of self-care - pure attention to attending to and caring for you needs, every single day...then, and ONLY then you are prepared to practice trust.  Strengthening those muscles gives you the fortitude to enter into this level of development. Without pure focus and commitment, this third step is excruciatingly difficult to build. 

You’ll find yourself distrusting the trust.
You’ll want to trust I’m not to be trusted, that ignorance is truly bliss, that I’m leading you into hell or some inescapable well of despair and hyper-awareness. 

That’s how whack your distrust is. 

So, if you’re down to trust yourself and you have been kind of, sort of following and reading and not-so-much actually listening or doing, go back and start over and I’ll see you here again in 60 days.  

If you have done the due diligence of self-knowledge and self-care, you’re likely revved and ready with a journal or calendar out eagerly awaiting instruction to simply trust, achieve, launch yourself forward and feel love...in every cell of your being, wholly and deeply. 

That’s what trust is. 

trust is self-love.

It’s "mom-ing yourself" because you know you are heading in the direction that’s right for YOU and you are purposeful and needed and able. 

You are able. 

No question. Trust that. 

Every day, for the next 30 days, commit to one exercise that builds trust.

Trust allows you to take it all.

You don’t avoid the negatives. You welcome them as a form of energy, waxing and waning like the moon and the tides. There is dark on the heels of light. There is negative on the other side of positive. There is pain because there is pleasure. Would you rather living mutedly with no light, no positive and no pleasure?  That’s what you’re asking for by trying to control the external world you experience and your reactions to it. 

By fearing change and sadness and disrupt you give away your power. Your power lies in riding the wave and TRUSTING the process because, I promise...first hand experience (the finest of ways to build trust)...

you are not given anything that you cannot handle. 

Yes, oh yes, you can handle that much pain.   You can also handle THAT much joy. 

Trust opens you to allow for all of it. To become a fluid receptor, a magnet, a grounding chord of resonance and vibration that sends your senses and you perception into spirit-level experience. 

Yes.  That’s what it is to trust.   Spirit sans some forced spirituality. 

Trust is reverently experiencing yourself. 

Here are 15 exercises to get you started building trust.  do one each day and repeat the list 2 times or create your own exercises to finish out the daily practice for this month.

  1. Listen to your mind and your body. is your body a machine?  is it necessary?  how does it move?  what can it do?  are you connecting to your movement and to your physical and physiological health?   are you abusing your body, either by judging or by speaking unkindly about your physical self?  are you treating your body roughly or carelessly?  if you're not connected or, if you are treating your body poorly, adjust.  Practice speaking compassionately and kindly to yourself today.  nourish your body with whole, nutritious foods, therapeutic exercise (yoga, stretching) and good sleep. at the end of the day, pause and listen for feedback.   your body will give solid information to your mind if you attend to it with love.

  2. only you are in charge and the authority on how you feel.  today, if you are the subject of judgment or opinions or not-so-constructive criticism, silently thank the intruder (yes, intruder...someone is trying to get across your boundary wall).  silently Thank them for sharing their opinion as this is what anyone telling you about you truly is.  you are the authority on you.  that's a fact.  facts are trustworthy.

  3. Honor Your Emotions.  today, pay close attention and refrain from seeking the opinions of others and recognize the guidance within you.  follow your own wisdom instead of looking outside yourself for answers.  inner peace cannot come from the outer world.  honor your emotions instead of hiding behind them. As you honor your feelings, you develop trust in your capacity to deal with what arises.  nurture your innermost thoughts. you cannot control your environment but you can control how you respond to it.  become curious about what goes on inside in response.  to deepen this inner connection, take the steps needed to distance yourself from people who undermine your inner wisdom. regardless of why so, it's a sobering and much needed lesson to learn that Some people push your pain buttons because it pleases them to see you suffer. this can help you to identify your disowned parts, but it isn't necessary to stay and pick at the wound.  you are better off distancing yourself.     

  4. make space for mistakes.  Remind yourself that one poor choice doesn’t mean you don’t know what’s best for you.  Just because you made one mistake doesn’t mean every choice you make will be a mistake.  instead of judging your every move, make room for mistakes.  today, try something you are pretty sure you will mess up.  if you've got two left feet, go to a dance lesson.  if you've never opened a recipe book, try to make a french dish.  if you don't know the words, sing along.  purposely put yourself into a space where you will mess up.  practice acknowledging effort, courage, fun and novelty in your attempt.  life is a lot more fun when you are willing to NOt get it right.   

  5. Keep promises to yourself.  be your own best friend.  if you've made a commitment to yourself, keep that promise.  if you fell off on a commitment you made in the past, recommit and start over.  you cannot hide from yourself, nor do you need to.  get real and honest with you and there's no second guessing whether you will be there for yourself in the future.  think about one commitment you've let go or are dying to make to yourself.  commit today.

  6. have unconditional positive self-regard.  Carl Rogers, founder of the Humanistic approach to psychology talked about the need for unconditional positive self-regard. you can always make improvements and, honoring that however you are now, is GOOD enough, opens you to being a more judicious and well-thought out person.  today, practice honoring you just the way you are.  speak highly of yourself.  think highly of yourself.   start by monitoring what you say to yourself and then begin choosing you thoughts and words carefully to champion you.

  7. adopt a mindful stance.  today, when you're feeling vulnerable pause and allow yourself to feel uncomfortable.  Vulnerability is often associated with fear or weakness.  that couldn't be further from reality.  being vulnerable means taking the risk of getting hurt and venturing out into the unknown. This is part of the adventure we call life. In fact, true vulnerability is a sign of strength, authenticity, and courage. In order to learn how to trust yourself, you must be willing to be vulnerable.  pay mindful attention to moments of vulnerability… observing your personal experience of emotional vulnerability with an accepting, curious, and nonjudgmental attitude. Becoming mindful of these vulnerable moments will increase trust in your capacity to be with yourself, whatever might come up.  Gradually, the thoughts, emotions, and experiences that you may have been defending against don’t seem nearly as threatening. You can handle this moment… and the next… and the next. The development of trust in yourself means leaning on the strength of your inner resources to meet whatever challenges might arise with poise, confidence, and mindfulness.

  8. Receive from others. Spend some time today with someone who believe in and cares for you. If there are negative people in your life acting as “naysayers” to anything you want to do, consider getting rid of them or sending them into an outer circle. Support from others gives you perspective and acts as a mirror, reinforcing your capacity to succeed.

  9. Work out problems/develop solutions.  pick an issue today.  Clearly define the problem and then step back.  look at the problem as if it weren't your own. imagine you see another person having that same problem, perhaps someone you don't know or who you wouldn't be too attached to having them resolve the issue.  Design several options on how to resolve the issue.  ask others for their input.  speak hypothetically with strangers about the issue, even.  allow yourself to Become aware of things you can and can't change.  attempt to Implement one of the plans and remain flexible to changing should it not work.  let it all be a learning experience vs. an attempt to fix.

  10. be quiet.  How do you recognize when you need time alone?  today, when you notice you are upset or frazzled, pause and spend time in silence to examine the emotions.  you are more likely to pay attention to external events instead of meet your personal needs. ask this question of yourself: “How am I doing?” and then listen for the answer.

  11. affirm and be grateful to yourself.  today, Gather evidence to support your belief that you do make good choices for yourself. make a list of 20 of these forms of evidence.  spend some time being grateful for each moment on the list.  
  12. make your number 1 goal to be patient.  today, no matter what happens, patience is the goal.  allow time and space for things to unfold.  everything unfolds.  if you pause and let things happen, you won't be so reactive.  you can just allow the process to carry on, observing each passing phase.  patience allows that means for processing.  
  13. Work from your strengths.  today, stop trying to get better at things you aren't that great at.  just do things you are good at, parlay those strengths and, if needed, hand off projects and to-do items that aren't your forte to someone else.  If my self-trust is built around my ability to write a symphony then I will forever doubt myself. Learn what your strengths are. Instead of trying to improve your weaknesses, build on your strengths and use them to honor your position and what you can achieve in the world. If you don’t know your strengths, then ask those that know you best and have unconditional positive regard for you. Accept what they offer you. 

  14. Clarify your values. today, it's time for a value Update.  they do change.  you do too.  don't let anyone say that your values are steadfast and that anything about your integrity has anything to do with maintaining the list of things you value.  when you've got your current list, pick the top three.  commit to unwaveringly acting and being those three values, all day long.

  15. remove all conditions.  today, there are no conditions.  there are no expectation.  there is only room for uncertaintly, curiosity and observation.  allow yourself to be the novice, the student, the eternal learner.  this opens your mind and your heart without the worry you assign to getting it right and needing to have the answers.