This lesson comes with a loving, tiger mom 1,2 punch...
If you feel the need to start or participate in gossip of any kind, you need to get a life.
Gossip is, firstly, disrespectful.
With every story comes the facts and, as it is shared and shared, comes the augmentation, the lies, the rumors and the misinformation. Your personal opinions and the point of view you hold about another, whether or not your ego finds that opinion founded, clouds your delivery. The story gets warped and it has a impact.
Unless you are speaking with the person or persons involved, you have no right to share anything about another. This goes for positive gossip as well.
And...If someone has something going on and she hasn't come to you seeking support, to quote a favorite friend when the gossip starts, "STOP. Not your monkey. Not your circus."
And then ask yourself these questions:
- What is so interesting or important about what others are dealing with that makes it more interesting or important than what you, yourself are up to?
- What makes you want to use your precious time talking about someone else?
- Why do you narrow your mind with assumptions and judgments and "know-it-all-ing"?
- What are you afraid of?
- Why are you hurting?
People who gossip are not up to anything interesting or important themselves. This is why other people's lives are of such interest and what most people miss is that you abuse with your boredom.
If you find yourself gossiping, here's a few ways to go get a life:
- Find solutions for your own challenges.
- Develop new ideas.
- Create something.
- Do the work to heal the insecurities that have you wanting to share someone else's story as if it's your own, or worse, to feel better about your own.
You gossip because you aren't proud, happy or interested in yourself.
Work on that.
Then you'll have what you need to be present to support another with what they're dealing with, you'll have the ability to drop the judgments and the critical lens you apply to your point of view about that person and, you'll see yourself in them.
In respecting another's privacy and dignity, you gain more respect and dignity for yourself.