I am not backtracking on my wisdom here or anything. I still support you practicing letting go and accepting that you don't have control in how things go. I am, however, clear that you (like me) are human and you're going to have to keep practicing your whole life.
Trying to control things, being able to predict the future and being ready for every twist and turn of this life is, inevitably, going to be a magical unicorn of a skill you're going to chase, in some way or other, until you die.
It just is.
So, today, I've chosen to write about something I feel you need full permission to control and be, at every given chance.
If there's anything you want to hold on to until your knuckles are white and failing, it's the right you inherently have to be yourself.
Self-expression is the cure for loneliness.
I have no scientific evidence to prove that.
I will, however, hold that belief in my own white knuckles until my time here's done.
Loneliness is that feeling you get when you aren't heard or seen. It's that experience of being lost when you're right here...of being translucent, easily dismissed, unimportant, lackluster and maybe even dispensable.
Loneliness happens when you, who you are, what you believe, your story, your experience and all the magnificent attributes that make up uniquely, "YOU"...are disregarded.
What you need to get about your loneliness is that it isn't someone else disregarding you that has you feeling your deeper senses of loneliness. You experience your deepest loneliness when you disregard yourself.
When you're project: love, me-ing your way through life and growing in your relationship with yourself, you'll find you grow more and more in tune with who "YOU" are, at your core.
You'll want to be her all of the time because every other "put-on" version of you feels so icky and inauthentic. And when you don't abide to your truth and let her rip...you feel lonely.
Now, getting past being lonely in your own company is a beautiful thing. Your skin gets thicker and the outside influence and need for external validation quickly fades away.
Like any practice (or life-long project) you have to keep flexing that self-love, self-acceptance, I-am-just-so-god-damn-in-to-me muscle until its buff and beefy. Then, you have to keep it up forever more to keep it toned.
What's the workout to keep "YOU" in all that you do?
I've made a list.
or a countdown
AND it's amazing.
It's also not scientifically significantly full-proof.
And, it's worth a try, like everything I share...try it on, see if it fits and wear it out if it does...
10 Full-Proof Ways To Express "YOU" In Everything You Do
10 Make & Follow A Self-care/"You-Time" Calendar
I mentioned this in the harvest method's New Year to-do list. This schedule is your golden ticket to ensuring you're taken care of. No skimping, rescheduling, making exceptions or budging. You have to come first. Who else is going to make sure of that besides numero uno?
9 Start A Brag Crew
Get your besties together on google chat, a group text or a social Slack chain where you, absolutely, without a doubt, MUST brag - quick, dirty, loud and proud, once each day. No bitching, complaining, downplaying or hiding. Just finding something to brag about and letting it out.
8 Write Yourself A Love Letter
Open a new journal page and write an "Ode To You", each day. Show yourself your daily gratitude, acceptance and favor. Acknowledge you for being you, simply and wholly. This is how project: love, me humbly began. Now I've got so much love to express, that I made it my livelihood caring for all of you (and me)…all from abunch of love letters. Cool, right?
7 Treat Yourself
Do one thing that feels indulgent. It could be San Pellegrino instead of tap water or a fancy new pair of skivvies or a five minute breather before picking up the kids. Whatever action, big or small, do it, again, once each day.
6 Get On The Hobby Horse
Learn a craft, a new form of movement, a new language. Find something you love to do for absolutely no reason but to do it.
5 Create A Bathroom Ritual
Moisture, healing, soothing and pampering. No picking, scrutinizing and judging. Make a routine that honors your body. Be sure to parade around in your birthday suit in the privacy of your home and OWN the skin you're in while you’re loving it. Remember that ownership when you head out into your day-to-day. What's inside your outfit and then underneath that skin..."YOU" is someone to be proud of and take excellent care of. This ritual is a way to honor "YOU".
4 Ask Questions
Explore the things you want to know about. There are no silly or stupid questions. There are no learning experiences that aren't worth learning. The more inquisitive you are, the deeper you go. The deeper you go, the more involved you are in your life experience. Questions bring you closer to the moment. They allow you to be present and involved in the daily lessons the moments we have can teach us.
Just choose. YES or NO. Avoid sitting on the fence. If you make choices deliberately, you further your path, you own your trajectory. There's nothing empowering about wishy-washy cooperation. Choose, go and grow, whatever way you go.
2 Speak Your Mind
Be judicious about delivery (well, those who know me know I don't really do this...and, I know it's more "doable" with this guidance). Say what you need to say. Own your truth. Choose your words and never, ever, ever let anything go incomplete or unsaid.
1 Find Your Fellow Magicians, Goddesses, Homies & Tribe
Ask them to hold you accountable for showing up and shining through all that you do. Ask them to let you know when you dim your light, even if it's just a smidge dimmer. Those kinds of friends make you feel seen and heard and understood. That supports your individuality and how you value yourself.
From here, "YOU" are here and seen, being "YOU" in all you DO.